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hey this is Leo for actualised org and in this episode I'm going to be talking about the amazing power of psychedelics I'm going to share my experiences with magic psilocybin mushrooms and I'm going to talk about the potential of using psychedelic substances for self actualization warning the information provided here is strictly for educational and harm-reduction purposes only I am NOT responsible or liable for any damage that you caused yourself while using psychedelics these substances can potentially be very dangerous and even lethal so make sure that if you do decide to experiment with them that you do so very carefully and very responsibly so I've been doing a lot of research on psychedelics this is a very interesting field and it's something that's pretty new to me I've been doing a lot of theoretical research but also some practical research and I want to share my results with you here now uh but you got to understand where I'm coming at this from I'm not doing this for recreational purposes you see my thing is self actualization its consciousness work its enlightenment that's what I'm after and so the reason I started to explore psychedelics is for their potential to enable that in me and does it work is the question can psychedelics really be used for meaningful growth or is it just a fun experience that people have so I'm going to address that more towards the end of the episode after I share some of the amazing experiences that I've had so you want to stick with me I know this is gonna be a long episode because I have a lot of stuff to share but towards the end is where I'm going to actually tie my experiences in with what this could mean for your life and also I'm going to talk about some of the pitfalls of using psychedelics so what I'm going to do is I'm going to give you aspects of my experience it's not going to be a detailed step-by-step chronological trip report I just want to highlight the aspects that are most interesting because I don't wanna bore you with too many details so what does it feel like to be on mushrooms it's a pretty amazing experience one of the most amazing experiences of my life for sure let me try to describe it and it's really hard to do that with words as it is with these types of mystical experiences so I've taken mushroom several times and I'm going to do kind of compilation of the several times that I took them the first thing I notice when I took mushrooms and I took about two grams of dried mushrooms worth and actually was an alcohol extract which removes the nausea effects from typically taking mushrooms it was great and what I immediately started to notice about within 20 to 30 minutes of it coming on sorry to come on pretty quickly is just subtle effects changing in my awareness and the most important thing I noticed was just how much more meditative and aware I became it's like everything just popped as I was sitting in my living room I was looking at the plants that I have I just purchased a couple of uh of kind of tall tree like plants they're real plants and I was sitting there looking at them and just like the three-dimensionality and the reality of the plants as I was looking at them and this trip was coming on was really palpable what immediately occurred for me as a thought as this was happening is like oh man this is like what I feel like after ten days of the pisano retreat so you know if you do a hard core of a pasta retreat where you're meditating for like 12 hours a day for 10 days straight and nothing else that's all you're doing by the end of that retreat your mind is in this super hypersensitive hyper aware state where you're just like you're walking through the world and it's like you're sort of like neo in the matrix you know everything is kind of like almost as though it's moving slowly because you're just so hyper aware of everything right and even the most mundane things like taking a footstep as you're walking on the pavement becomes this kind of extraordinary expense because you're so hyper aware of every footstep that you're taking so it was like that here with me I'm sitting on the couch in a meditative like position and I'm just noticing the effects of this mushroom come on and just like wow the awareness of it is amazing I immediately just started to laugh and just have this huge grin on my face because you know Here I am in my everyday life spending hours and you know hundreds of hours it's like wracking my mind to meditate more effectively to kind of let go to surrender to become more present to the moment and here it is it just happens in like 30 minutes you know 30 minutes and I'm there and that's just the beginning that's just like the first little taste of what these mushrooms can do then after about an hour into it what I start to notice is how patterns are emerging on flat surfaces so this is like what we'd call the classic psychedelic effect and on mushrooms there's this really interesting vibe that they have so what I notice is that everything starts to become this kind of like rich saturated almost like warm glowing color and sensation the lights in the room actually start to dim but also kind of get saturated and it's kind of like golden hue and it just becomes like really really beautiful really beautiful really like pleasant it's not scary in any sort of way at least for me and and then what starts to happen is that just the patterns start to emerge right like if you're looking at a flat surface like a wall or a ceiling or tiles on your bathroom bathtub area or maybe like the carpet I really notice with this with the carpet the carpet starts to just get filled with these sort of floral patterns they're almost floral tribal sort of patterns there's no particular like animal shapes in there or anything like that it's just like tribal floral patterns and they all kind of start to swirl and animate and morph around and the entire carpet just becomes a sea of these patterns more and more and more as the trip comes on which is a really kind of nifty experience if you never had that before which was a totally new experience for me also the colors of the carpet start to change and all these floral detailed floral patterns they feel very organic and also the colors are like shades of pink and yellow and green and a little bit of blue and it's just like this kind of like beautiful and very hypnotic and these patterns when you look at them they just kind of start to like suck your mind into them in this very hypnotic sort of way and then you have to like look away and look somewhere else and then it's like oh okay I've I've kind of broken the spell the hypnosis a little bit and then that other pattern you're looking at now that one starts to hypnotize you but it doesn't happen everywhere it only happens on these large flat surfaces so if I'm just like looking at a you know at an object then it looks pretty much like a normal object but the mood of the whole room starts to change and what I notice very distinctively it acquires this sort of like Amazonian feel it's almost I wit like I went back into the jungle in ancient times all right like where our ancestors came from in the Amazon or also like it's got these vibes and feelings of like Africa like I'm in ancient Africa or ancient India and it's just like it's really cool effect that just like you just go wow this is amazing and I'm sitting I just have a huge smile on my face throughout my entire trip and all the trips that I've taken it's been nothing but positive experiences for me now that's just me I don't know how it'll be for you and it's certainly not that way for everybody you have to understand that my mind is quite prepared for this stuff I've done years of meditation daily meditation for hours I've taken many retreats I've done a lot of consciousness work I've done a lot of self inquiry I understand non duality I've studied psychology for years I've studied and investigated metaphysics epistemology um science history like I have really looked and been curious about the nature of reality for pretty much my entire life for decades right so when I take this substance it it makes all my philosophical inquiries that I do in everyday life it just actually makes them like real and tangible and not just ideas in my head and because I love it so much I feel like I can't have a bad experience now I don't know maybe in the future I will have a bad experience I'm sure it's possible but right now it's hard for me to imagine how I could possibly have a bad experience on this stuff because it just kind of opens the gate to take me to all the stuff that I love about life exploring reality so take that into account you know some people they don't want to explore reality and I think that this is where bad trips can come from is when you're resistant to that you're closed off to that you're not really interested in knowing what's true or looking at the world from radically different perspectives you haven't studied psychology non-duality metaphysics epistemology history or any of this kind of stuff uh and then you could be in for some you know rude awakening and some horrific experiences like some people report but anyway so I talked about the patterns the lights I really love the lights on mushrooms like it's just amazing it feels beautiful but then oh probably the most like eerie and odd thing that I've noticed on mushrooms is these trances these trances that come upon me so after about an hour into it the mushrooms really start to take effect and I get just overwhelmed by what I would call a trance now what is a trance it's almost like a wave like if I'm swimming in the ocean I get a giant wave that just kind of like crashes into me and pulls me under it's so powerful that you can't resist it but this is happening inside your mind your basic sense of place and self and who you are and where you are in the world all this basically goes out the window and you go inside this trance where I mean you basically lose consciousness you're not even sure what the hell is happening in this trance until you awaken from it five ten and 15 20 minutes later you obviously lose sense of times you're not sure how long the trans lasts but this transit just kind of overwhelms you it's almost like you're looking at some patterns right then it hypnotizes you so much that you lose all sense of self and time and reality and I don't even know where you go you go to some like dimensionless void I don't know but also you then come out of the trance and when you come out of the trance all the sudden you become sort of conscious of what was happening when you were in the trance and it's this very weird feeling but personally I love it I could see how it could freak some people out but I love it because I love getting my reality [ __ ] to it right so I'm going to this trance and then I come out of the trance like 15 minutes later and I don't know what happened but I just have memories of being in this trance and it's just memories of amazing deep insights profound insight I don't know where these insights come from but just just like it's like pure wisdom and also I have memories of like going back maybe into my past a little bit I have some memories of almost like going back into childhood but then I come out of this trance and I'm just floored it's like wow I've been in this trance for the last 15 minutes I don't even know where I've been and now only now my awareness is catching back up with it and it's like now my awareness is filled with all these amazing gifts and golden nuggets of like pure wisdom and I'm not sure where they came from but I mean they're here and I'm just kind of like struggling to catch up with them it's like wow it's like I woke up and it's like I've got all these jewels you know jewels of wisdom and now I'm trying to like scramble to understand these jewels of wisdom they're so amazing they feel so beautiful and profound but then the next wave of trance comes over me before I'm even even able to make sense of all these jewels this next trance comes over me and again I'm just kind of like sucked under overwhelmed by it and again I sort of lose consciousness I don't know where I go until again I pop back out of the trance another 15 20 minutes later and this process just kind of repeats and repeats and repeats and repeats the first time I took mushrooms I don't know I counted maybe like five or six trances they they start kind of strong then I think they get even stronger like the second and third transfer like strongest and then they start to kind of peter out every trans actor probably the third one gets a little bit weaker and weaker and weaker and then Peters out throughout the whole thing my entire trip on mushrooms if you're taking an alcohol extract of it lasted me about four to six hours after four hours all the trance effects go away then you just kind of have lingering patterns and interesting sensations another thing that I noticed immediately on mushrooms when I was really into the trip was that I started to behave like a creature it was cool it really fit in with the whole Amazonian ancient African vibe I felt like I was back in the Amazon almost like I was a savage you know a savage who had no language and all he did it was like like imagine a child who was raised by wolves in the Amazon for his whole life and the way that he would behave like put that kind of person into let's say a corporate boardroom or a house in our everyday sub suburban life or urban life and it's like the guy would look like an animal right so that's what I start to feel like uh but it wasn't in a negative sense it just felt like my body became very loose and very authentic and it felt like I was a bit intoxicated in my body kind of like I had a buzz but also it felt very animalistic and it felt very natural because it felt like wow this is what it's like to be a human being or even not a human being but even something more basic than that but like a creature an animal and I kind of got back in touch with my sense of being an animal and it was amazing and then I noticed myself starting to kind of move like an animal starting to walk in the sort of monkey like manner and almost like when I was like for example sitting on the on the counter I went to the bathroom and I was sitting on the bathroom counter and I was experiencing one of my deepest trances but during that whole time it was like I was I was sitting this very odd animal-like position on the counter it's like one foot was up on the counter one foot was down on the floor my arm was like stretched up over here somewhere I was kind of hunched over and I was in this like deep philosophical metaphysical trance experiencing these profound insights but also totally like uninhibited and unconscious of the position of my body and yet also my body it seemed very graceful right it it moved in a sort of asymmetrical but very graceful sort of way the way that maybe if you look at monkeys swing through tree branches you know it almost looks like they might lose their grip and they might fall and they kind of look funny like when they twist their head around or when their arms are twisting around or their legs or something like that like maybe you seen this on the Discovery Channel or something right nature documentaries of monkeys well that's kind of what I feel like and it feels amazing it feels like wow why am I not like this all the time this is what it feels like to be disinhibited and authentic and I got a really nice contrast between this animalistic way of being and also my everyday normal way of being and using my body which felt so much more reserved and artificial and just kind of stifled so that was one of the first important insights that I carried away with me from this experience was that man I just need to be much more authentic and especially in the way that I physically use my body that's something I've been totally ignoring in my life it feels so good to be authentic and to not care about what you look like which is normally what's going on it's going on to such a degree that you're not even conscious of it until you've got this nice contrast with the mushrooms at least that's what it was like for me also what I notice on the mushrooms is that there's a delusional element to the mushrooms it's weird because simultaneously what happened to me was that I was having these profound insights into reality into my personal life into the direction that I should take actualize Org into my relationships with people and all this kind of stuff so these were genuine deep sites but also there was delusion there how do I characterize this delusion well first of all you just start laughing and everything everything becomes funny because when you penetrate something with your mind it's like wow it's so clear and so obvious now I can't believe that I was so asleep before so that just kind of uh produces this kind of hysterical insane sort of looking laughter like if you looked at me through a camera while I was on my trip you just see me laughing with a huge grin talking to myself like an insane person um it would look kind of boring actually because most the cool stuff is happening in my mind but I would look very weird I would look like an insane person like at one point I was sitting on my couch I had a little handheld mirror I was looking in the handheld mirror and just talking to myself in that mirror and I was like wrapped up in a blanket and I was just talking and laughing hysterically like like an insane person so there's definitely this kind of delusional quality but there's nothing bad about it you kind of recognize that it's happening to you so like I was pretty conscious that I was delusional uh it's very weird because at the same time you feel more connected to truth into reality than you've ever been in your entire life but also you recognize that you know hey I am hallucinating stuff here and also the insights you're having you're becoming so uh like one and in the moment with them that it almost feels like that's it you know in that moment for example if if you're feeling love for something you're feeling it fully it feels like this love will never go away that's all that there is this present moment and this love you're feeling or if you're you know having some brilliant insight about something it feels like this is the most brilliant insight in the world you feel like Einstein or the Buddha and then if you know thirty or sixty minutes later you kind of look back on that episode that trance and you're like wait a minute you know I wasn't really having that profound of an insight yeah it was an interesting insight but it wasn't like you know I was Einstein or something so I was a little bit delusional but you're also kind of aware of the delusion ality it's an interesting phenomenon is really kind of eerie and odd uh and it's jarring to your normal sense of what reality is so um what's also really interesting you know speaking about mirrors when I was looking at the mirror when I went to the bathroom for the first time and I just caught a glance of my face in the mirror I was just amazed that I even had a face or a body so I'm just like looking at my body as though I'm looking at my body and my face for the first time and I'm just standing there and I just go into a trance looking at my own face because it's like wow I can't believe what I am see all these things that you take for granted in regular life like that you're a human being you have a face that you have hands that you have a body at all you can see things that you can smell things all this stuff that you take totally for granted but remember that when you were born and you were first experiencing life when you were like five years old seven years old those first memories you have all of life was foreign to you it was all alien there was nothing familiar so mushrooms take me back to that place it says though I was born for the first time again like I can look at my hands and I'm just floored by the fact that I have hands and I'm like what the [ __ ] is this hands I have hands like they can move and do stuff like it's amazing you're just standing here and you're just amazed by this same thing with my face and so I was looking at my face and then the coolest thing happened I noticed those flower patterns that I saw on the carpet now I notice the mess tattoos all over my face and all over my head so my face and head were just covered in these tattoos and these tattoos if you're familiar with the Maori Aboriginal people of New Zealand they sometimes paint their face in these kind of black tribal art tattoos there's no animal patterns it's just flower patterns sort of and little curlicues and stuff paisley shapes and and that's all over my face except here it's not like black ink it's pure light it's as though a light was projected through a stencil on my face with these patterns and it looks [ __ ] cool like I'm looking at my face and I look like I'm a native from the Amazon and like I look like a [ __ ] badass to myself I'm just thinking like wow I'm a [ __ ] badass and then I see also these rays of light light projecting out behind me in the mirror behind my head sort of like almost like a halo effect but they were just like straight rays of light and that was a really cool experience so yeah you get all these kind of nifty psychedelic sort of effects you get these trances you can feel very good in your body like my body felt amazing it felt like I was fully in my body fully present and aware of my body in ways that I haven't been since I was a child really takes you back to childhood that kind of fresh magical experience of just pure existence and pure reality without all the kind of conceptualizing and all the stories and all the baggage that comes with being an adult takes you right back to that and of course you get that amazing feeling of being a child again like everything is new and fresh and magical it's quite amazing so I was having these experiences but what I want to really communicate to you is the deepest experience I had which was was on my on my second trip on my second trip I took four grams of mushrooms which is double the first dose and what I had was basically a really rapid onset everything I was just talking about but it was happening twice as fast and then I had a my deepest experience of all which I can only describe as a full ontological orgasm an ontological orgasm a metaphysical orgasm and existential orgasm and this phrase actually I didn't invent this phrase this phrase came to me as I was sitting on the couch and I was entering this experience so I want to talk about this one a little bit because this is the really good stuff this is what you're really after if you're taking a psychedelic so I take the mushrooms the second time and I'm sitting on the couch and I notice that they're starting to take effect really quickly the second time I take them it's not as foreign as the first time because I kind of know what to expect and I'm basically getting very similar effects to the first time so I'm just sitting there and I'm very quiet this time I'm not filled with kind of like hysterical laughter and talking to myself because I really want to just I'm really interested in how the mushrooms will overtake and overwhelm and replace my everyday sense of consciousness that's really interesting me so I'm just sitting there and I'm and I'm watching this mushroom just learning to kind of creep in on me so to speak I'm seeing the room starting to change colors change mood it starts to kind of warp and twist and become this golden brown earthy color right the entire vibe of the entire room just completely changes and I'm noticing this kind of like awareness it's almost as though awareness starts far ahead of me in my visual field and it's sort of creeping in closer and closer and closer and just kind of like overwhelming my regular sense of self and my identity and what I would call it is this kind of creeping sense of ego loss until eventually what happens is that it completely overtakes me and I basically realize that my life story is a fiction so how do I explain this right now you're sitting there listening to me and you think that you're either a man or a woman you're a certain age you were born to a certain mother in a certain place in the country and right now you're living in a other place in a different country perhaps or a different state different city and that you are where you are and right now it's either noontime or it's evening time or it's morning time you know whatever it is for you and maybe you got work tomorrow and yesterday you did something else so you got this whole sense of not just self not just an identity or ego but like a whole life narrative you have and you actually hold this entire narrative as real it's like well what else could it be I mean of course it's real I lived it and I'm living it now like right now my narratives that I'm standing here in front of you actually talking to a camera I'm not even in front of you I'm just talking to a camera and so that's my life narrative but what most people are never conscious of is that this entire narrative is complete [ __ ] fiction and the mushrooms they'll prove that to you really quickly because they just ripped that narrative right out of your mind to me this is a profound and amazing experience I love this because it's like a total mind [ __ ] for some people I can imagine this very scary because if you're very attached to your sense of identity and to your ideology into your web of beliefs and to your cosmology into your metaphysics then this kind of [ __ ] shouldn't be possible right because if you're really attached to your narrative and then what happens is that you take some substance like a mushroom and it rips the narrative away from you that tells you that your narrative was uh was arbitrary you see it's not so much that you take the mushrooms and then you start to believe all the hallucinations that's not the interesting part about the mushrooms what happens for me is that I have my everyday life okay I'm well aware of how that works and what it is then I go into the mushroom state and then I have this mushroom state and all the mushroom experiences and all the hallucinations okay cool that's interesting and kind of nifty but it's not that I buy this as the new reality what happens with my mind is that my mind goes meta so I have this now juxtaposed with this and now my mind can say oh neither of these are what's real you see that's the power I think of psychedelics it's not that they take you into a new world and a new dimension and then now you believe oh that's the new reality if you do that you're actually becoming delusional you have to stay aware enough to see the meta what's the meta lessons that you can draw from this that's what's really really interesting and also perhaps very frightening to some people who aren't prepared for it uh so uh what starts to happen is that I lose my life narrative and then I just start laughing hysterically because I realize that this idea that I was ever born like I was a human being who was actually born this idea is a total fiction and I'm just at this point I jump off my couch and I'm rolling around on my carpet floor in my living room and I'm just floored I'm literally floored by the idea that I was ever born and I'm just laughing my ass off because I'm thinking like how the hell am I going to explain this to my mother that I was never born and that this idea that I'm her son is just a fiction you can't explain it which is why it's so funny so funny when you realize it so I have that but then I go into my full ontological orgasm so what is this what I start to notice is that everything that I've been studying throughout most of my life about reality I'm talking about existential questions about reality what is reality what is existence Who am I all the stuff that I did with all my philosophy work when I was in college you know all the ruminating I've done all that kind of stuff so I would call that maybe metaphysics epistemology on the mushrooms it becomes real so the [ __ ] that I was thinking about and theorizing about now is becoming real for me and it feels so profound and amazing that the wisdom of these insights into reality is the most beautiful thing you could ever experience it's the most pleasureful thing you could ever experience and so what happens to me is that I have an epiphany this is what the word epiphany really means is that I see with my mind's eye I see that the distinction between real and unreal is groundless and that it itself is not real because I'm as I'm going into the mushroom experience I'm wondering like well what's real is my normal reality real or is this reality real and like I'm trying to understand my mind try to understand but see the mushrooms open and expand your awareness and consciousness so much that you get the wisdom of like the gods just directly injected like imagine a firehose of wisdom just being shot straight into your brain that's what it feels like and so my mind just like pierces through the veil of the distinction between real and unreal and I realize that there's no such thing there's no such [ __ ] thing and when that happens to me I just go into like complete rapture complete rapture and just I breakthrough into what you might call divine bliss and divine love I just break through until love like reality from this one insight reality just like becomes seen I see the sort of infinite nature of existence and that's so beautiful to me that there is there is nothing that you can do but just um have this profound divine love this is not a romantic sort of love this is divine love this is what the Sufis call devant the divine the experience of the love of God right it's when you see what reality actually is for the first time this is such a powerful experience that it just brings me to tears not like little watery eyes I'm talking about full-on just tears of joy and bliss and love just pouring down my face for just like minutes and minutes image just tears pouring down my face and I'm just rolling at this point on the floor of my living room and just totally speechless totally speechless just cry my eyes out pure love it's just like I'm enveloped in love there's not even in me anymore it's like I am the love the wisdom and the love are like two sides of the same coin so one side is the wisdom it's the insight that I have that there's no real and unreal but then that is such a beautiful insight it's so profound it's like you know when you're watching some of my content and sometimes I tell you something and it's like oh that was kind of interesting I was in profound inside like aha I didn't know that before it's kind of like that but multiply that by a thousand and also mix it with the beauty that you see when you look at a beautiful sunset and multiply that by a thousand so it's like taking a thousand beautiful sunsets plus the wisdom the insight of the gods as I call it and you mix those together you launch them you load them into a cannon and you shoot those straight into your mind and ask the experience right it just completely overwhelms you completely floors you so I'm on the floor for like I don't know how long it was 10 15 20 minutes 30 minutes in a trance of divine love and rapture and I'm understanding that I've had a breakthrough you know religious experience that's what this is and it's just like just like love pouring forth love pouring forth to give you an idea of the indiscriminate nature of this love I have a vomit bucket near me on the floor the vomit bucket is for in case you're taking the the mushrooms and you want to throw up because they can make you nauseous I didn't have to throw up but I took the bucket in the middle of my trance I wasn't even conscious that I took it I just wake up from my trance and all I'm doing is I'm rolling around the floor just saying love love love love love and tears and then I notice that I have this bucket held around my chest really tight holding it like this with my arms the bucket you know there's a standard kind of like kitchen bucket that you would use to like mop the floor with I have this bucket and I'm just holding it and I'm loving it so all my love is focused on this bucket I love it so much that it's more love than you would have for your child if you have children I love it more than you love your children it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life so I'm hugging this bucket rolling around on the floor with it and I'm in complete rapture and then I take this bucket I kind of like look at it I examine I put it on my head there's some like nasty stains inside the bucket I just put it on my head I don't care I love it so much it's completely indiscriminate love there is not anything amiss with reality right every little piece of reality is completely loved there is no rejection of anything at all but that's just the start then as this is happening and coming out of that trance starting to feel the need to go to the bathroom again to pee and I look at the clock I have a little clock on my desk there I look at it and I see the arrows spinning but I look at the clock and I notice that there is no such thing as time time is a joke I see the time is a fiction because what I'm in now is I'm in absolute now now is all that there is there's no future there's no past there's just the now it's difficult to express cribe this experience because you have to actually have it if you become conscious of that right it's not merely that you lose your sense of time like oh yeah time goes by quickly no no the whole concept of time is seen to be an illusion so I'm looking at the clock I can see the arrows moving I know that it's showing us time but I can also just dismiss it as a joke it's like this is a human invention there's no such thing as time so that was a cool little insight I have that and anyways I stumble my way somehow into the into the bathroom and in the bathroom after I finished peeing I have my second really really really deep profound trance so I go into this one it hit me it hits me so hard I don't know I just I just remember opening my eyes and I'm sitting on the edge of the bathroom tub and I'm looking at the floor of my bathroom and it's pretty dirty I didn't wash my bathroom for a while so there's this dirty pee stain kind of soaked toilet there's a dirt dust and lint and pubic hair on the floor on the edges you know where the wall kind of meets the floor there's all this kind of dirt that you're supposed to wipe away so I'm looking at all this and at this point I'm entering a full non-dual state non-dual perception which basically means that my sense of self is completely gone and I become the entire world so imagine that rather than thinking that your your body which is what you think you are now the entire world becomes your body the entire world is like an eyeball experiencing itself right there is nobody perceiving the world the world just is being it's perceiving itself from no particular direction so I'm entering into this state and I kneel down is so profound that I kneel down on my knees on the bathroom floor the dirty floor as I'm hugging the toilet bowl the dirty toilet bowl I'm hugging it there's no sense of impropriety here there's no qualms about dirt or anything else I'm hugging the bath the the toilet out of love pure love right I love it so much and then I get down on my knees and I see the dirt the lint dirt dust and pubic hair in the corner of the of the bathroom and I take my hands and I just I run it slowly just like slowly and sensually I run it through the dirt until I accumulate a large ball like about this big of pubic hair and lint and dust and like nasty pee dirt and I'm looking at this and this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen in my life imagine that if there was a god like a human God and he had a face and you ever got to see the face of God the kind of emotions you might experience and the kind of beauty and profundity you might feel this clump of pubic hair is the face of God and I'm looking at it as though I'm looking at for the first time in my life and all that there is is just feelings of divine love and me and tears just tears pouring down my face they can't stop just tears full-on tears and I'm looking at this as though this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen it's more beautiful than a thousand sunsets and then after a while I put that thing down and I don't know what else to do but I just like my body just kind of gets possessed and all I want to do is I just want to like pray so I take my head I just bow it to the dirty bathroom floor by a forehead to the bathroom floor and at that point I look like a fanatical uh uh um you know Islamic rabbi or I don't know what they call them you know in the Islamic tradition it's like you've seen have you seen those people you know if they show you like documentaries of Mecca or something where they're just like praying you know this kind of like full-on [ __ ] like prayer full-on [ __ ] prayer not the kind of prayer where you're like asking God for favors but like [ __ ] prayer as though like God will kill you if you don't [ __ ] pray to him it's like that but it's just it's completely natural it's just like these feelings of of such deep gratitude and reverence for the beauty of existence just for the mere fact that existence is happening that you just see the sacredness of it and so you naturally feel the need to pray so all the religious language all this stuff just becomes so crystal clear when you're having one of these experience because this is a true religious experience is what religion is about religion is not about beliefs religion is not about you know certain practices or going to church it's not about not not a [ __ ] it's about what I'm experiencing in this moment when I'm in the bathroom right it's about divine love and wisdom so uh after that experience in the bathroom I stumble out of there walk back to my living room and then in my living room I proceeded to just have maybe an hour of this very thick non-dual awareness you it's so thick you could cut it with a knife I'm just standing there and at that point you know the delusional element kicks in and I'm feeling like this it'll never end like I feel like I'm fully enlightened you know like the wisdom of Jesus and the Buddha and Mahavira and every [ __ ] sage and Saint that you've ever heard of in history just like oh yeah of course that's what they discuss is it this is nirvana like I'm experiencing nirvana and I know it I'm fully conscious of it and it feels like well this is it you know I've reached it there's no there's no deeper place to go this is as enlightened as enlightened gets and so I'm just I'm standing there in my living room just what I'm like well what the [ __ ] do I do now like I'm fully enlightened like this is that there's no more like that's it there's nothing to do this is complete perfection I could die at this point and it wouldn't matter it would be perfect if I died at this point you know my life would be completely realized there's nothing else left except what also washes over me is this this desire to share this this desire to share this with the whole world this desire to share this with you with my audience and it's like it becomes crystal clear that this is my life purpose that this is what I'm here to do is just to share the deepest insights um that are possible in existence with human beings and there's just as there's this like deep compassion want to share all this but at the same time the recognition that it's it's impossible to communicate it's impossible to share how do you share something like this how do you share something so powerful and so ineffable with people who have no clue like no clue at all not even an inkling of what I'm experiencing how do I do that and so yeah so I just kind of basked in this very thick non-duality for an hour or so and then rather rapidly just kind of um evaporated then my trip came to a close and about four or five hours later I'm basically dropping down back to baseline so that was my ontological orgasm now what can you take away from this well it's not just experiences don't mistake the psychedelic experience as just an experience the most important thing I think here is the insights that are possible one of the insights that I had was that I need to be more authentic and I was shown the way for how to be more authentic another insight that I had in the midst of all this is that there's nothing to achieve in life like they're just the idea of achievement or success is [ __ ] ridiculous it's a joke it's a delusion there's nothing to achieve in life but that's not an idea that's a palpable insight there's a big difference between just having an idea when I'm telling this to you or a belief and an actual honest-to-god insight into the truth of this also I got insights about the direction to take actualized org how to make it more authentic how to take it to the deepest levels possible so that was kind of like insights into my life purpose also I had profound insights about ideas and concepts that I want to share with you you know uh a few episodes ago I shot an episode called the 10 things you want but you don't know that you want and that was inspired by by this mushroom trip that I had so I I mean I have these insights regularly I don't need to take mushrooms to have these insights the majority of my episodes these days are what I would say like divinely inspired I sit around until I get hit from out of nowhere by a [ __ ] idea for an episode right and I get hit by these ideas you know ten twenty thirty of them a week and I all I do is I just scribble that [ __ ] down and then I presented to you you know I develop it a bit as well I develop it a little bit intellectually but the source of the ideas is not me it's not like I'm just sitting down and [ __ ] coming up with [ __ ] to tell you about how to improve your life like it's coming from genuine insights so when I'm having the insight I'm as surprised by it as you are when you hear for the first time cuz I hear it for the first time I'm not making it up you see so um yeah if if you liked that episode about the 10 things you want in life but you don't know that you want and you felt like there was something a little bit different about that episode it's because it was really coming from a very deep place it wasn't just some [ __ ] that I made up um so yeah so you can have these kinds of insights and I mean this is just a sampling of what I had you could probably have hundreds of various kinds of insights about your life and about reality and so forth and those linger those stay with you after the psychedelic experience passes this [ __ ] stays with you so that can be very valuable the lasting effects that I felt from the mushrooms is generally a sense of being calmer and more detached more grounded in my life my mind is reaching new levels of deeper and deeper awareness and also my my kind of like my resolve and my motivation for my purpose in life is just getting like supercharged and my resolve for enlightenment work is getting supercharged and for meditative work is getting supercharged because I'm seeing this is the only really meaningful thing to do in life I mean whatever the [ __ ] you think you've got going in life that's worth a [ __ ] your business your relationships your family your children all that stuff it's not worth anything it's all meaningless you see it's all meaningless it's just it's just a lie that you're living in it's a story that you've constructed because you have never actually experienced the beauty and joy of existence itself nothing can compare to it whatsoever it's completely off the [ __ ] chart it's off the scale by orders of magnitude right so if you actually have a taste of that then your priorities in life will really [ __ ] and this is where I think that the psychedelics can be quite useful for the self-actualization journey is that they can get you a glimpse a taste of all the most advanced stuff that I've talked about now for years I've talked about this stuff with you but the problem is is that you don't really buy it you see when I talk about enlightenment first of all half the [ __ ] people just dismiss me right off the bat but even those people that don't dismiss me even if you believe me mad enlightenment even if you're pursuing some form of meditation or self inquiry you're not doing it nearly vigorously enough right you're doing it in a very weak half-hearted sort of manner it's very difficult for you to mobilize yourself to do this work because you're not really sure where it's leading you to and you know in the back of your mind you might even be thinking like well maybe all this is just nonsense it's just [ __ ] maybe leo is just making all this crap up you know uh but even even worse than that what you basically fail to realize is the significance of enlightenment you fail to realize that this will throw your entire way of life into the garbage can like when you look at your life compared to an enlightened life your life your regular life what you love right now the thing that you're trying to self-actualize for your ego it looks like a stinking pile of horseshit and this thing here looks like beautiful heaven compared to what you're currently living but even when I tell you this it's not enough you see this is the thing that I realized when I was having my Jesus moment it's like yeah this is what Jesus felt but how the [ __ ] am I supposed to communicate this to you cuz you don't understand you have no frame of reference whatsoever you can't even imagine what it's like to not have a self you can't even fathom it because if you did fathom it you would be doing the work it's not enough to agree with me oh yeah leo enlightenment is cool I like it that's not enough your entire [ __ ] life is devoted to this because there is nothing else there's literally nothing else everything else the [ __ ] sham but see you don't like hearing that because you're [ __ ] going about your everyday life and you're running your business and you're running your family you're doing all this stuff and you think that that [ __ ] matters you think that stuff is actually bringing you joy like it's bringing you joy and happiness no you have no idea you have no idea the only reason you think that is because you have nothing else to contrast like literally nothing else to contrast it with imagine that a human being a baby was born and was you know raised in the prison cell its entire life you could imagine that that baby would actually have a fondness for his prison cell and when the door was opened it would never want to leave that prison cell because the baby to itself would say but this is this is what's real the prison cell is all that there is I don't want to go outside and look at the trees and the Sun and the moon and the stars and the beautiful mountains and all this stuff I don't want to look at that the prison cell is the best thing that there is you see and the reason the baby does that or this child that grew up in the cell does that is because I mean what else can it no there is no contrast when you have no contrast for something you're clueless you're ignorant worse than that you're ignorant of your ignorance the ignorance goes so deep in you that I lack the language to communicate it to you I don't know what I'd have to be a [ __ ] poet to communicate your ignorance to you it's so deep and that's generally my my whole challenge in life with my work with actualised i doriga's how do I communicate to you the deepest things that I know are possible for you that if you experience them they would be so profound that they would bring you to your knees and tears and yet when I tell you about these things you will not really listen to them you will not grasp them and you will certainly not mobilize yourself to achieve them and that you will die you will live your whole life and you will die in ignorance of the fact that you lived in a [ __ ] prison cell your whole life and that all the beauty of life escaped you that's the reason that I have the teaching style that I have it has to be blunt it has to be obnoxious to a degree because what else will rouse you from your [ __ ] ignorance what else this is the situation it might seem like I'm exaggerating the situation it might seem like I'm being blunt or that I'm being of bombastic here and from a certain perspective I am I do exaggerate and over dramatize some of this stuff but also the actual reality of it is is that if you did the work to achieve the things that I'm telling you to achieve namely a permanent state of non-dual awareness and the realization of absolute truth if you had that every bombastic thing that I say to you would seem like an understatement because that's the reality that's the depth of your ignorance most people most teachers what they do is they pussyfoot with you right they don't come out and say that because when I come out and say that what does that do that raises all your defense mechanisms you get all up [ __ ] in a you know get your panties in a twist about no Leah you can't attack my life you know my family how dare you talk about my and how dare you talk about my business and my career how dare you rob me of these things how dare you rob me of the meaning of my life but see I mean that's a [ __ ] farce that's a farce what you call a meaningful life is a [ __ ] joke and that's just the bottom line truth of it um so I mean for someone to be honest about these things they have to [ __ ] and talk the way that I talk if they don't talk the way that I talk they're not being honest like you go to a Zen master and that Zen master you know he's very silent he's very chill he's totally detached he's experiencing the [ __ ] bliss and rapture of [ __ ] existence but he's not gonna tell you about that he's not gonna push it on you he's not gonna make you aware of your [ __ ] ignorant he's just gonna tell you that you sit just sit just sit staring at a wall and and ask yourself who or what you are that's all he'll tell you from your perspective that's a complete understatement complete understatement you know an enlightened person doesn't really want to go sell enlightenment um which is I think in some ways regrettable I mean on some level I understand exactly why they do that but in other ways it's kind of regrettable which is kind of where I come in which is what my role is my role is to hit you over the head with it in a very blunt manner some people will like that some people hate that but um I promise you that if you do the work and then you look back upon what I've said then you'll be like leo why didn't you kick me in the ass even harder I mean my life I actually believe my life meant something and then I got enlightened and it's like all that [ __ ] was just [ __ ] idiocy it was complete idiocy why did nobody tell me well it's because you didn't want to listen so nobody told you how can we tell you if you don't want to [ __ ] listen do you see that this is the this is the challenge of all of humanity from the very beginning of human civilization up till today humanity has basically had one challenge and that challenge was ignorance ignorance of what the truth is of enlightenment right there have been incredibly hardcore sages and saints and Zen masters and Yogi's now for for thousands of years this goes back five ten thousand years ago these people have already knew all this stuff but then when they come and they try to share these insights with regular folks regular folks are so deeply in a trance of what we call life that um they can't comprehend what's being told to them right they don't hear they don't grasp the communication they dismiss it they put it off till later they distract themselves and they go back into their ignorant trance that's it that's all of human history in a nutshell all of it even up till right now and this will still continue for thousands of more years most likely unless we get some breakthrough [ __ ] technology to fix this problem so uh so yeah that's your situation now I know that's a lot to put on your shoulders I know you like little precious petty life but hey um I got to tell you how it is and here's where the psychedelics come in right the psychedelics can get you a taste to this in a way that you cannot foresee yourself because you have such limited vision because you are my Opik you need to see it for real to believe it you can't really believe it for me personally actually psychedelics are not that important because I didn't need psychic IVA noon I've been to enlightenment work for three years now I don't [ __ ] need psychedelics to get me interested in the truth of what existence is but for most people you know most people they don't care about metaphysics or epistemology or what reality is or what existences they just want to live their petty little life that's all they want that's all they know for those people they need a wake-up call so that's where psychedelics can come in and be useful there are however problems with psychedelics I mean originally my stance on psychedelics was a skeptical one and if you noticed me before I would write comments you know some people asked me comments under my videos like hey Leo what do you think about LSD and mushrooms and other stuff and what about that and usually I would tell them you know that's a distraction because see everything I'm talking about here it will work for you but only if you have a well-prepared mind if you've laid the foundation which is what I did in my life most people who do the psychedelics do not lay any kind of foundation at all and what happens is psychedelics are easily misused and I don't just mean that they're misused in the sense that well you know you can cause yourself some physical damage by overdosing on a psychedelic that's not the biggest misuse the biggest and most damaging misused is the psychological misuse of psychedelics it's the using of a psychedelic for a short cut to get somewhere or for entertainment or recreation or to uh create false confirmation of your existing spiritual [ __ ] dogmas that's all misuse of psychedelics most people take a psychedelic they have some spiritual sounding experience and then they get lost in that experience and they take it as reality and then they go into fairytale land and they get lost in the delusions and the phenomena that comes with psychedelics that's not how I use psychedelics that's not what you can achieve with them if you really know how to use them so I think that my stance on psychedelics is as follows that they're very powerful tools for very responsible people who are doing the self actualization work already and then the psychedelics just open the gates and they take it to a whole nother level that's great but how many people are really like that how many people will actually understand that psychedelics do not get you to enlightenment they won't if you think you can take a psychedelic and become enlightened then you are [ __ ] kidding yourself it's a delusion have you noticed that any of your druggie friends who do a bunch of drugs and psychedelics and stuff that they are not very well developed people they're not emotionally grounded they have all sorts of stupid problems in their life that basically they're fools some of the trip reports that I read from people I'm astounded at the stupidity of what they do in these trip reports the reason is because they just take a chemical substance they think that this chemical will do something for them and it really won't you need to do the heavy lifting all the deep consciousness work you have to do all the stuff I talked about with actualize that are content that's the [ __ ] you should be doing every single day and then you take a psychedelic once in a while and maybe it opens the doors and takes you even further but even though it can do that don't mistake that for enlightenment nothing you see on a psychedelic trip no visuals no sounds no thoughts no emotions no matter how beautiful or amazing they are no matter what kind of entities you see aliens [ __ ] or dwarves mechanical elves or whatever the [ __ ] any of that [ __ ] that you see that's not the truth that's just phenomena all that's phenomena but see you can't understand that unless you're doing the self actualization stuff that I'm telling you to do first to lay the foundation see so the power of psychedelics is that they can really open your mind and most people have such a closed mind they can get you interested in reality and truth and most people are in uninterested in reality or in truth psychedelics can also be used for therapeutic purposes for healing and they can be a deep source of insights about life what I'm going to do in the future is I'm going to have more episodes that share my experiences with psychedelics and all the research that I'm doing there's some amazing research happening now this is actually quite a cutting-edge field there's a lot of science neuroscience getting involved there's a lot of potential for using these substances to cure addictions so I think that we're really turning the corner here on how psychedelics are used in legitimate ways in this country and around the world so there's a important stuff that I want to share with you there and my own personal experiences and deeper insights that I have so stick with me offer for all app I hope this motivates you to actually do the foundational work so that you can then experience some of these things that I'm telling you you can experience because if you don't do the foundational work you can easily have a terrible trip you might scare the [ __ ] out of yourself when all your inner demons come pouring forth all those inner demons that you've been sweeping under the rug for years avoiding resisting not doing the work to fix well they're all going to come out it's going to be a Pandora's box that's open once you take those mushrooms see so start doing the work and stick around for next week for the next episode before you actually go and start to experience psychedelics because I know now you've heard all this stuff I've kind of gotten you excited and horny to try some psychedelics wait up on that watch next week's episode because next week's episode is going to be about how to use psychedelics for personal growth I'm going to share very practical tips all the tips and guidelines and rules that I've discovered for how to create the best trips that you can I'm going to talk about various substances and the effects that they have that you should use and ones that you shouldn't use and stay away from so you want to stay tuned for that don't run off and start buying up a bunch of [ __ ] drugs from people stay tuned to do this in a responsible way and keep your eye on the ball keep your eye on the prize the prize here is truth the prize here is your development and your self-actualization it's not fun it's not recreation it's not nifty experiences it's not even religious experiences it's not the emotions it's the self actualization so stay tuned get excited and I'll see you next week alright so post me your comments down below remember to click that like button for me share this episode with a friend and lastly come check out actualize it with this my newsletter sign up to the newsletter so that you're staying on track for all the self actualization work that's the most important part of this and like I said I'm going to be sharing more experiences with you so you'll want to stay on track for all that and not get distracted by a little petty life that you're living this self-actualization material this is the most life transforming [ __ ] that you'll ever find in your life so if you found it consider yourself extremely lucky because 99% of people on the entire earth will never ever find it because they're so lost but you know you could easily unfine it you think you found it now a month goes by you forget all about it and you're lost again and you never find it again so sign up I'll keep you on track I'll keep reminding you the [ __ ] that you need to be working on to make sure that you eventually breakthrough out of your ignorance you